Ferral Young, Kolob, Utah, October 14, 2014

You maybe believe that it was always the way it is today in Kolob, with the old Mormon ranchers on the one side and the newcomers on the other. This is untrue. When the hippies first come, even when the uranium prospectors come through here the years I was in France in the war, the Kolob people was well acquainted with fighting and backbiting. Of course, we was all of our own minds and as spooky and cranky as anyone else anywhere, but I think you can say we was in two groups: there was the few of us that had land and cattle and buildings paid off and the best grass for winter feed, water uphill of us, and so on. Then there was the rest who drew poor land or it was overworked and so did not have cattle or buildings to speak of, and poor water shares and debts, so they worked for us. Those of us who run the place, my family foremost, had our share of hardship. Our boys died of horses and ranching as much as the others. Our wives died of babies the same as the others. But when the droughts come we had the better water. In nineteen fifty-four our ponds dried to chalk and we had to drive our cattle over the mountain to auction. We lost half on the drive and sold the rest at a loss. But the creek this high never run out completely. We got two lean cuttings off the top pastures and kept our breeding stock. But the other group I mention, the poor-land group, they mostly pack up and move away in fifty-four and fifty-five til Kolob was mostly empty, only two children in school. Some of them come back in sixty or thereabouts to claim their land, but most we never seen again. They just didn't have the water or the grass to hold it. Now, these two groups, we had the resentments and suspectings and gossiping you'd expect, but we also had different personalities that got differenter during the drought and after. I am one of the blessed ones to of come from the water and grass families, so of course I have a perspective on this you can suspect of preferring my own people. But the water and grass families, the big ranchers, we was more educated and polite, valued a gentleness and dignity in our business and had debts of gratitude amongst us that cinched us together. Our clothes was storebought and clean. We did not wear skins and our hats was summer straw and winter felt. We had the better horses and gear and the cars and trucks and we went from time to time to the city and our wives had silver and china. The poor-land families just never did prosper. They was just wore-out. And their manners did show just how wore-out they was: they was a loud, fighting, foul-mouthed people who wore the same dirty clothes all year, patched til they fell apart. Just rags. And pelts, even. They was still deerhide shirts and pants common in Kolob before the drought. They was I think a reckless people, without respect for the tender feelings, no love or kindness or sweetness amongst them. You should suspect me of preferring my own people when I say this, but in them days a boy from a good ranching family would be a young gentleman, and a poor boy would be a reckless and careless scoundrel. They was rascals. I suppose they had nothing to lose, and I and my people we had everything to lose, so we had a code of good behavior we held, while them poor families was just wild. I have not missed more than a few meals except fasting in my life and I don't pretend I know what hunger and desperation will do to a person, but same way my horses are fat and shiny on their pasture, on green grass, with a barn and alfalfa hay in the winters, and wont run or kick when you approach them, them poor boys was like a wild, bony mare you run up a canyon gone to give you heck you try to rope her and will never ride proper.

One time my father was down to Larsons' to sign some paper to take Johnny Jepson's top pasture for non-payment. He owed my father for a loan to purchase water shares. This was the Jepsons the grandfather of Shirl, Kade's mother, down across from the Larson's that is now boarded up. So, my father was down there at the old Post Office in Larsons' porch and Joe Nelson's father was witness. Nelsons was and still is owners of the best grassland inside Kolob and in the draw, and the finest ranchers and upstanding in the Ward. So, my father and Joe Nelson's father and Sister Larson was waiting to take Johnny Jepson's deed to that pasture and he didn't show. So they ride over to Jepsons', just a sorry house of raw boards in a patch of sand and a sorry starved mule out back and Jepson come out yelling and lets his two dogs off their chains. So my father and Joe Nelson's father whistled their four dogs from the road and of course there's a dogfight, but four against Jepson's two, so Jepson goes and starts kicking my father's dogs. So my father and Joe Nelson's father get down and chase Johnny Jepson around and he, Jepson, turn on my father and bite him on the arm and on the hand and on the stomach and I think on the knee before they knock him down and tie him in the dirt. This was not just nipping, it was biting to take a bite of. My father had a strip of meat hanging off his arm and Jepson had blood on his chin and shirt. Anyways, this is what I mean saying the poor families was wild: the yelling, the settin the dogs on them, the kicking and biting, the not paying their debts. This was a reckless people, and no tender feelings in them. I guess Jepson had a pasture to lose, but he knew it was already lost and he was cornered. Desperate.

Anyways, so, back to Handy Whitehead. You want to understand that boy you got to understand the temperament of the poor people. They are a wild and fighty people, even the ones who come back after the drought. Some got their houses back, but no good land or water attached. Most just pulled in a trailer and lived in that, or in anything weathertight they had. Same as always, they work for the ranchers. Handy's family, the Whiteheads, always worked for my family, the Youngs, here on the ranch and cowboying on our leases. Handy's father worked for my father. He was as wild as any, but we was friends of a sort. When Whiteheads was losing their land during the drought, I think in fifty-six, my father made him a deal: that Whiteheads could stay in their house on a acre if they deeded the pasture to my father, and he would forgive their debts. My father had more water than he needed and trenched a new ditch to Whitehead's land, now ours, and watered it and then had Whiteheads work it.  At my father's orders they planted it in winter rye and watered heavy and disked the rye under and planted again and ran just a few dairy cows, and within a few years that pasture was pretty good again. I think Handy's father was shamed. He lost his land, then worked it for my father, and it greened up only when my father owned it. Of course, it was the water. That land was just blowsand without water, and my father owned the water. But before the drought Whitehead had a few head of his own and had some pride. After, the pasture was almost ready for corn, but Whitehead owned nothing and my father owned more than ever. There was a a few years Handy's father would not look me in the eye or speak to me more than necessary. He still cowboyed with me, but I can't honestly say we was friends. His clothes got shabbier and his horse died one winter all underfed, out there between his house and the road with its ribs showing, a shame on that family. With no horse they cut no heating wood that year, and maybe would of froze in that plank house if my father hadn't sent down a truckload of wood. So my father, with the notes and deeds, the water, the work, even the stovewood, you could say he owned the Whiteheads. Handy grew up in that. Just a skinny, running-nose, yellowhaired boy in poverty. I felt terrible about that. I could hardly look at Whiteheads in them days. But Handy didn't want to live like that, in that sorry house on that little square of sand and goatsheads. One thing you need to understand about Handy is he is much smarter that you and me. I suppose that hunger and cold and humiliation put a pang in his mind. Not that he was good in school. Hardly went. But when they paved 144 in sixty-eight the bookmobile came down from Salt Lake. It was a big event, like the circus come to town. That old schoolbus full of books and the pretty lady that checked out the books. Handy checked out the limit every three months, and he read every word. And when he ran out of his books, he borrowed others and read and re-read every one. It didn't matter hardly what. Adventures, Huckleberry Finn, recipes, how to wire a house, romances, he read all of them. He got several of them committed to memory. Handy is the biggest reader I ever met. You might think he's crazy, but he's just halfbroke. Goes on about every darn thing and you can't half understand him the way he talks wild. But there is not a better-read man in Kolob. When he was I think twelve, still little and ragged and wild, we was at the chapel for the talent show, it was always the good families sent their children up to say a poem or part of the Gettysburg or a Article of Faith or what have you. Sing a song. So, Handy goes up out of turn, unannounced, wearing his gray patched poor clothes, and started reciting. Just looked up and started in with that wild squawking voice you heard, and he had us just spellbound. Ten minutes he said this wonderful poem about black ships and the heroes, and the war between the Trojans and the Greeks. We was thrilled. I can still remember. We was all just gone from the room in our imaginings. That boy would of gone on to the end but my father stopped him to let the other kids have a chance.  

Kade Goes Dancing at the Barn Dance

This is the barn dance up ahead. They are parking on the road in the dark in the pickup Ezra borrowed from the Bishop. There is three up front and there is four in the back. They picked up Lauro and this new hippy named Fox and this girl from down at the yurts. Lauro and them are smoking grass not Kade he does not smoke that shit. Kade is drinking beers and stomping them on the truckbed, You better sit down in here says the girl they are down in the truckbed in the hay and fencetools and the twine and the trash the Bishop's truck is full of. Kade is more happy sitting on the stakes up in the wind. You're going to lose your hat Kade says Lauro. He is smiling he flicks his jay into the night. Kade gives the girl a beer she taps the can on his and they drink and he stomps the cans and they get out on the dirt. Ez cuts the engine and they hear the music it is the band from Youngville they are playing the Kolob song the girl is dancing so he swings her in a circle Jesus Kade put me down she says so he is laughing. They are walking by the parked cars to the barn at the end. This is where he moved the handlines this morning on the Christiansens' alfalfa. The handlines are straight that is how he places them. There is some in a truck in lawnchairs drinking he seen them same boys over to Cannonville he sneaks up to their bumper in the dark and bounces the truck hard and they yell Jesus and Fox says Everyone is praying tonight. Ez and his buddies pass a bottle it smells strong. In the light of the barn there are the people in their good jeans and their dresses, some are dancing. This is the barn where the Christiansen boy shot hisself he was Kade's Mom's age they was in school. Also he hung hisself. The way he done it was that he put the gambrel rope about his neck stood on the rail pulled the trigger fell and the gambrel caught him and he rolled out on the rail trolley to the middle they thought he hung hisself til they saw his sunday jacket bloody and most of his head up there in the roof he was dressed for Sunday they never did know why he done it. These are the Christmas lights and the music is loud that is how these boys play it. Those are the cigarette and jay lights here and there in the dark away from the light. Here is Ted he has a flask he hands to Kade it is strong Hi Mr May he says he says Come to dance with the pretty girls? Yes of course. He tries to get Ted to take a beer but he does not he says No thank you Kade how's your mother. She is okay she is not coming That's what I figured says Ted I'll see you round he says and sits on a tailgate with the new cowboy Tomasz who Kade gives a beer and says Hello how are you he says Pretty good thanks Kade and he taps his can on his and on Ted's flask. This is the stansion he welded the hinge on and burned his arm pretty bad. He is looking up to see if the Christiansen boy's head is still up in the roof he knows it's not but he always looks. They cleaned it up but the gambrel is there still they still hang a buck or a elk on there if the weather is cool. This is the sand they put in here for dancing and the stage that is wood from the old church basketball court the basketball lines do not line up now. He is dancing now and Crazy Billy in the band is smiling at him he has beads in his beard he is a crazy son of a gun playing them drums in his work Levi's and just a undershirt. He is looking for Kandace she said she would dance with him. He sees the girls from Youngville but he does not see Kandace. He is doing some spins and kicks and they are playing Twist and Shout the dancers made a circle around him to clap and holler they are passing this bag of wine with the little plastic spigot. This girl from Youngville comes out and does this move that he seen on TV with one hand up and head turned then the other hand up and head turned the other way the tops of her tits is shiny and bouncing so he does his horse-riding move and tips his hat at her and the dancers all yell and laugh and this guy he did saltcedar work with in the canyon hands him the bag of wine and he drinks it. Then he sees Kandace come in so he runs to her and picks her up and spins her and she is yelling something he can't hear it is too loud he just spins her til he almost falls over a chair and then she goes somewhere he don't know where so pretty soon he goes out to a old Mustang in the dark and drinks some Gatorade. It is true he can circle almost her whole waist with his hands she is that small and he is this big. He asks some cowboys do they want to armwrestle he has his elbow on the trunk of the Mustang they say no thanks nobody hardly ever will armwrestle he is that big. Now it is later and he walks back to the truck but it is gone so now he is walking home in the dark along 144 he can still hear the band back there there are eighteen lights in Kolob. Here is the Nelson boy's new pivotline twelve heads it is the biggest in Kolob. Those are some mulies going over the fence. This is the driveway and there are the heelers not barking they know him. There is his Mom's light on she is up waiting for him reading.  He lets the screendoor slap he needs to put on a new closer Hi love she says from her room How was it? It was fun Are you drinking? Yes more than you said she says nothing he goes in and kisses her she is reading she is wearing her reading glasses she is very old and pretty. Now he is upstairs he got axle grease on his good Wranglers he don't know how he remembers to turn out the light it is a long day now it is time to sleep he thinks of Kandace.

Kade and His Mom Go to the Small 'm' market

This is his mom saying Let's go to the Small 'm' market I just need this one piece of glass I don't need to go all the way up to the store. The dogs can go so he gets their ropes. This is the driveway fresh graded and all the weeds drying in the burn-pit. Here is the back way. When he was small he stopped here to watch a snake go down a gopher hole and a cat also stopped to watch under that bush and the cat went in the grass to another hole and waited and the gopher came out and the cat caught it and took it and then the snake came out they was hunting the same gopher. Here is the new foundation for the city people Fielding is building. It is right in the middle of the back way where the Larsons used to throw their bottles. This is the Larson house that has no windows just boards when he was small he played in there he could fit through a gap in the window boards. It was before the roof caved and it was still dry. It is broke now the chimney that one time had smoke and two men was sleeping in there in sleeping bags on the floor and his Mom told him stay away from that place we don't know nothing about them hippies. Here is where they go through the church fence it is down where the ditch washed out a post and they walk through to the back of the Small 'm'. This is the Mexican throwing trash in the dumpster and his Mom waves and so does he and the Mexican touches his hat and finishes his cigarette he is always in a hurry. Here is the porch and it has Kandace, and Charlie and some tourists and so he stops to see Kandace. She has a book. He stops and his Mom goes in. He puts the heelers on their ropes. They don't need ropes but that is the rule at the Small 'm'. Kandace is so pretty he likes to be her friend. Kandace was reading her legs are long and in the sun her hair is up and it is yellow. Kandace waves her way with her fingers she always waves this way. Hi Kandace he says You are pretty and the girl Kandace smiles and says You're sweet Kade. These are the tourists taking phone pictures of theirselves in front of the Small 'm' they have on black chaps and they have new Harleys lined up, the 1200s and he takes out his bandana and wipes the dust off the chrome on the gastank of one and the tourist says You don't have to do that and Kade says It is dusty this will make it pretty and Kandace puts down her book and smiles at him and pats the bench next to her so he goes over and sits down. What are you doing Kade. Going to the Small 'm' he says. My Mom is getting glass cut the brushhog throwed a rock when I did the driveway right through the kitchen window right in the sink. Kandace laughs. Her shorts are very small so the pockets poke out on her legs that are brown. He puts his hand there on her leg and she pushes it away and laughs Oh Kade you are too funny so he puts his hand in his pocket and he has dollars he forgot so he goes inside and gets a popsicle and he goes outside and gives it to Kandace but she doesn't take it. She always eats popsicles but she doesn't want this one so he eats it and gives the sticks to the dogs. The tourists start the Harleys and it is loud and the dogs get riled and Kandace covers her ears. It is hot the sky is blue the cloud has sat there downvalley all day not coming up. Are you going to the barn dance says Kandace Yes he says I will dance with you are you wearing a dress Yes she says What one he says It is blue. This is the one she wore that day at the cemetery for Old Man Nelson's funeral It is very pretty he says. Here is Charlie now coming over Hi Kade, Kandace he says. He is now standing there because Kade's Mom is coming out with the glass it has blue tape on the edges. Window broke? Yes she says From a rock. Kade he says I have some chainsaw work you can do and stacking cordwood and Kade says he will do it tomorrow today he has the Nelson boy's handlines it is going to rain later so he will see him tomorrow.  Let's go honey says Kade's Mom How's your mother Kandace? Kandace says Okay she picks up her book and stands the benchslats marked her legs pink Kade says Kandace I can see those screwheads on your legs from the bench. Oh Kade she says and his Mom says Let's go honey and he looses the dogs and they go into the willows with that piece of glass.