Monday, March 30, 2015

From the Journal of Ezra Benson, 4th Period Language Arts, Youngville High School, Youngville, Utah

9/1/15                  I keep my face hard. I got no fear at school. Thats just who I am. Youngville HS I am on the wrestling and football team I play center offensive and defensive. The wall at the gym entrance we hang out at, we are last in class right at the bell! There are the cheerleader girls too at the same wall this is also where the visiting teams have to walk under the Spirit Banner SUX 4 THEM!! LOL. The whole team is LDS but WE “R” HARD the cheerleader girls are all LDS but there is this one Lora who her father is a Ranger he is Federal Government she is like half indian you can see on game day all the cheerleader girls wear their red Skirt and their legs lined up on the wall are all like White White White White Brown and its like Whats wrong with this picture?! HA! She is hot but its like can you get any browner??? Stop tanning already bitch!

9/2/15                  Today is Home Game day I got hit at practice Spence helmeted me in the Pec it is bruised bad like it is black I saw it in the mirror I am skipping gym shower today if Coach finds out I am Bruised bad he will Bench me and then who will cover Bryce? Tell me that! He is the QB he is a skinny PUNK ass he will get killed if I get Benched I am not letting team know about this Bruise I am HARD I am going to PLAY THRU THE PAIN!!!!

9/3/15                  MRS. Schow said write in this Journal every day she will not read it only check the pages to prove if we did our writing every day all year she just flips thru it and puts a stamp on every week but if I lose this Journal then someone will read it Kids @ Youngville HS or my Mom and Dad be like EZRA T. BENSON YOU PUSSY! I dont write nothing they can yank my chain about if you are reading this YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE then you know Ez Benson is HARD who is your Daddy?!?! You know Ez Benson is HA!!!!!

I sat across from Kandace this morning in the Kolob school van she talked to me she is not a cheerleader she is quiet at School but she is the prettiest girl in the School. On Game Day’s the van stays late till after the Game and so Kandace sits under the bleachers + does her homework she is a “Diligent” student which I Respect that. I talked to her on the van ride I said Why are you always doing homework?!! And she was like “I dont want to spend my Whole Life in Kolob there is nothing to do here” that is why she memorizes vocab she said in Kolob we have no “sophisticated” vocab its all cows this and hay that and trucks anyway That much is true! Well she said if you want to get somewhere in life you need to know all the words she has like 500 flash cards she is going to take the PSAT she gets good grades now but she used to get all F’s she is going to move somewhere and go to College. My guidance counselor says College but I SUCK at grades it is BORING I hate school I just go for sports coach says “No Class Your Benched” and so I go to class. I will not be BENCHED in my LIFE! Coach says PLAY HARD GIVE IT YOUR ALL 110% if you want to play at the Top Level! I want to play at the Top Level maybe that is College I hope I grow my Dad is 6 foot 4 280 pounds he is big enough for PRO BALL I am 5 foot 11 190 but only 16 I am still growing I am the heaviest on the team I bench 260 I AM STRONG I lift every School day and the BULK CYCLE bulking up to get BIG coach said the recruiter from SUU and the one from the “Y” know all the Top playaz in the State he said do your lift’s double your squat’s Hit Hard Hit Fair its all about RESPECT the other team will RESPECT you if you Play Hard + Get Big I will be as tall as my Dad before College I pray every night about this. Girls want to be small Boys want to be big all of us want to be Tall Kandace is like 5 foot 9. On the Kolob van we talked about my Mom is driving us over to Cedar City to buy clothes my Mom said mine are wore out Handy said Kandace’s Skirt is too short. Its not too short for me LOL!!!

If this Journal ever gets stole the Truth will be known Kandace Has The Hottest Body She Is So Hot dayum girl I know her Mom does not take her shopping for new clothe’s My secret is I am glad so she can go with me thats like 6 hours in the car over to Cedar and back of course with my Mom there I will not have a chance to put the “Moves” on Kandace LOL! If you are reading this you can SUCK IT.

9/6/15                  Hay cutting is as soon as it dries we had rain I AM SO SICK of hay driving that Swather would not be so bad but we have the Old School rusty old Massey I hate that piece of junk driving it back and forth all day sneezing and itching my Dad wants the windrows straight to not miss any Hay is expensive this year “NO HAY NO TRUCK” he always says he said I can have the pickup soon as he can buy a new one then I can drive Kandace to School NO MORE RIDES ON THE ****ING VAN!!!


9/7/15                  YOUNGVILLE 21 BITTER SPRING 14!!!! SUCK IT YOU FAGS! I got 2 sacks Dad took me to get a burger he said “That was fine playing son you played hard you saw the opening and you executed” Halftime and post Game I got hugs from the cheerleaders. When I hit Shitter Spring’s QB Tyson Callister I hit him so hard he just lay there. Coach came out and he was all “Take A Knee” we took a Knee he is always like “No Smiling No Talking Show Your Respect For The Downed Soldier give him an applause when he get’s up be SPORTSMANLIKE”. You keep your face hard kneel and hold your helmet. Last year I hit this one kid we hit helmets he was pass blocking I was running hard for the Sack when we hit helmets there was this sound I hate it was like a “subtle” sound that goes way into my left ear so now when I hear a whisper or any soft speaking such as a prayer or papers in the church microphone or anybody making soft talking on my left ear or ESPECIALLY soup sounds or chewing with your mouth open I GET ENRAGED like it sets me OFF hearing this “subtle” stuff. I know this is weird I think my ear got broke inside when we hit helmets. No way am I telling anybody I would get Benched. So I sat next to Kandace today at lunch and she got a Mountain Dew and the pull tab when she pulled it and the fizz of the pop popping out and her sucking on it or “SLURPING” I expected would make me INSANE ANGRY so I was forcing myself to be all cool and like not show her how these sounds make me go like PSYCHO and so when she pulled the pull tab and there was that like SHKRRRRCKPOP sound I was totally in CONTROL DISCIPLINE!!!! AND IT DID NOT MAKE ME ENRAGED instead it made me SEXUALLY AROUSED! it was like the most SEXUAL thing I ever heard in my Left Ear a.k.a. Horny as Frik!!! I was like 0-60 in 1 point zer0 seconds! So I think I have a hardwire from my left ear to my Dick from that one kid helmeting me. Now if I lose this Journal I will have to move to another country! LOL! First time I knew about my Left Ear was I was giving my little brother Ephraim a titty twister in church and my Mom whispered in my Ear to stop it and her whisper set me off like a Mad Dog I punched the Hymnal holder thing so hard it broke off. My Dad is the Bishop he was up on the stand my Mom smaked me my Dad came down his hand goes all the way around my Bicep he is Huge he made me sit in the truck the rest of Sacrament Meeting. I had my iPod I rocked out for a minute but the sounds in the Earbuds in my Left Ear made me go BERZERK again now I can’t hear chewing or “slurping” or whispering in that ****ed up Ear but I go apeshit except I guess Kandace and when she makes one of those sounds in my Left Ear I get AROUSED AS FRIK. My own noises I have to control too I have to swallow my food and NOT CHEW IT I practice on myself chewing and sucking and it helps but like brushing my teeth on the left makes this pressing in my chest on my heart I think I will have a Heart Attack. Loud noises help if I go shooting the loud sound of the rifle if I take my left earplug out cures the RAGE for like two days it is a relief I wish I could go deaf in my Left Ear I never sit with a person to my left EXCEPT KANDACE if she whispered in my Left Ear it would be like “Uh, We Need To Get Married” you turned me on that much! In my Left Ear. if my Mom whispers in my Left Ear again I may not be able to Control myself the RAGE is ****ing serious Coach says DISCIPLINE I am getting that tattooed on my wrist when I get home from my mission but I have ZERO CONTROL over my Rage response to any soft sounds in my Left Ear.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

The Boy Ezra Taft Benson Online as SpecOpsUTAH, March 22, 2015

MilitiaCentral.com
Category: Reloading
Thread: AR-15 loads
Started 07-11-2015 by VAgunsmith, MilitiaCentral Senior Moderator
Replies: 65          Views: 312          Last post by: SpecOpsUTAH


Post:
NewbySniper Im goin bet your ammo SUX i cant believe the retards that post here this is the AR15 forum you should know at least what a AR is you retard and this is the reloading page it is for RELOADING POSTS YOU DUSHBAG it is for .223 reloads that is the SAME AS 5.56 NATO for all intensive purposes everyone on this string should know at least that much
By: SpecOpsUTAH 03-21-2015, 8:50 PM
Lifetime posts: 1,866
Les Baer .308 Semi-Auto Sniper with NightForce scope!!!


Post:
Chill SpecOps, I’m just asking. I’m a Newby you can see that by my Username. I just have a question isn’t this a good place for questions? I mean, this Forum is called Reloading/AR-15 loads, and my question is about learning how to reload for the AR-15 I plan to get.
By: NewbySniper 03-21-2015, 8:55 PM
Lifetime posts: 6


Post:
NewbySniper I lose my temper when people come on here that don’t know anything this is a expert forum you dont even own a AR!!!! I dont know about you but it is NOT OK for some cubscout come on here to ask about reloading IT IS DANGEROUS!!! AND PLUS YOU MAKE SERIOUS EXPERT SHOOTERS LOOK LIKE A FOOL COMING ON HERE WITH BASIC QUESTION I KNEW THE ANSWER OF WHEN I WAS A KID!!!!!!
By: SpecOpsUTAH, 03-21-2015, 8:56 PM
Lifetime posts: 1,867
Les Baer .308 Semi-Auto Sniper with NightForce scope!!!


Post:
Ok SpecOps how about you don’t YELL at me in all Caps and tell me where is a good forum for my questions about .223 AR as I am such a “RETARD”.
By: NewbySniper 03-21-2015, 9:01 PM
Lifetime posts: 7



Post:
NewbySniper how about you go to like Wikipedia and search for .223 and read the basic FACTS on their before you come on a expert forum wasting our time
By: SpecOpsUTAH 03-21-2015, 9:02 PM
Lifetime posts: 1,868
Les Baer .308 Semi-Auto Sniper with NightForce scope!!!


Post:
SpecOps: I’m going to have to ask you to take it down a notch and show some respect to all our guests on here. This is no place for shaming and yelling. Please refer to our Guidelines if you have any questions about forum etiquette.
NewbySniper: I suggest you check with a local shooting range to see if you can get professional instruction on the AR-15 before you purchase. Reloading requires lots of technical knowledge and expensive specialized tools, and is generally not performed by beginners, but you are welcome to read this forum. I recommend you start with “Reloading for Centerfire Rifles”, by Davis McCarthy.
By: VAgunsmith, MilitiaCentral Senior Moderator 03-21-2015, 9:11 PM
Lifetime posts: 2,011
To Prepare For War, Is To Prepare for Peace

Post:
Whatevs. I hope im not on the range when Newby shows up with his ammo
By: SpecOpsUTAH 03-21-2015, 9:11 PM
Lifetime posts: 1,869
Les Baer .308 Semi-Auto Sniper with NightForce scope!!!


Post:
Ok back to the original question that started this thread: If you have experience we want you ideas loading .223 subsonic for SharpShooter’s suppressed Mini-14.
“My goal is to be able to take out lights at 200+ meters and the sound of the bulb breaking is louder than the sound coming from my Mini-14. It is suppressed (Indiana Arms #3001). I expect the shot will be too slow to advance the next round, so please only designs for subsonic. Thank you.”               -SharpShooter
By: VAgunsmith, MilitiaCentral Senior Moderator 03-21-2015, 9:16 PM
Lifetime posts: 2,012
To Prepare For War, Is To Prepare for Peace









Saturday, March 14, 2015

A Verbatim Copy of a Comment Posted in Response to an Online Article on Misophonia, which Is, Also, an Example of How People Say Shit that Is Way Weirder than what Writers Believe We Can Get Away with Writing


"Im 22 and im an avid church goer/lover. Love the Christian faith
The sounds o hate are all subtle sounds that go into my left ear. ESPECIALLY when people speak in their heavenly language. 
Just this mornin, i hear my mommy speakin in her heavenly language andbit enrages me, i HATE IT so much. I also hate the P sound and the T/D sound when propped in my left. WEIRDLY- if theres a girl i like or sexually attracted to, the frustratiom turns to sexual arousal aka bein horny as frik! I go from 0-100 real quick
I dont get it at all. Obviously i like the latter but the first really bothers me. I get so angry, and comin from the military now, im really ready to murder whoever irritates my left ear but ive been dealing with it since i was younger
First time i realized i was angrh and jus cried was when my mommy grabbed me in church and was whispering but yelling at the time, so deeply in my ear
I was so mad, so enraged that all i could do was cry, she thought she had got her point across but man, it just started this crazy problem i cant control at all
I cant handle my own noises in my left ear too much, as it creates this irritating tickling in my ribs like im being tickled but im not. Really horrible. I use to experiment on myself and direct sound from my voice, soft whispering sound, to my left ear.
To no avail. Sigh but at least i kno wat its called now. And im glad im not alone"

Sunday, March 8, 2015

ROUGH DRAFT My Nifty 3-Axis Model of Narrative Voice

Aware of the dangers of theory and schematic reduction, I have come up with a nifty way of mapping any character’s “voice” relative to three crossing axes. To rescue that from abstraction, let me explain:

Every person, including fiction characters, has a distinctive ‘voice’, or characteristic way of thinking, speaking, and writing. But it can be very difficult to point to or describe what sets that voice apart from others. Some characteristics are obvious, but others aren't. In Huckleberry Finn, Jim speaks with an accent, Mark Twain’s conception of the speech of an uneducated slave of that time. That much is obvious. But how do we know he is intelligent and perceptive if his diction is uniformly simple, his syntax is unsophisticated, and his manners always show deference to Huck, who we know to be in no way Jim’s superior? Jim’s qualities are deeply embedded in his voice, and his voice is made of particular ways with diction, syntax, and prosody.

In some cases, a single book contains an extreme range of voices. Moby-Dick probably best exemplifies this. Queequeg barely speaks English, really does little more than grunt, but his humanity and intelligence are never in question. Perhaps paradoxical is that Ahab speaks in great, hyper-articulate outpourings of the richest language, but his humanity, and certainly his judgment, are very much in question. Melville used a wide range of voices to illuminate character.

But what, exactly, are the variables in voice? I’ve mentioned diction and syntax, but these are linguistic categories, pretty abstract, and maybe not be helpful to writers. So I’ve come up with the following as a way of helping myself, as a writer, be clearer about how different characters’ voices differ.

Picture a graph with three axes.

The first axis represents a continuum of diction, defined by Greco-Latin on one end and Anglo-Saxon on the other. In English, we have use of an enormous range of words that we've adopted over the long, mongrel history of the language. Generally, our Anglo-Saxon words are short and concrete and, when we choose to use them, we convey a sense of uncomplicated empirical know-how and a tacit relationship to solid objects and discreet things. And our Greco-Latinate words are mostly polysyllabic and abstract, and convey a sense of a learned, theoretical, and often intellectual or spiritual approach to a topic. And we can mix these up, often to pungent or humorous effect. It feels unremarkable, at least among scholars of architecture, to say, for example: “The possibility of replacing the poetics with an architecture based solely on relations had a further result…” But replace the learned, Greek, abstract architecture with the blunt, solid, specific Anglo-Saxon hut, and you end up with a funny collision between the abstract and the concrete, or maybe between the high and the low. One doesn't normally speak of “a hut based solely on relations”, but to do so is squarely within the possibilities of English diction, and diction is a potent tool of writing. The writer’s use of diction in narrating a character is rich with possibility, and diction can reveal a wide range of character traits, from level of education to degree of humility and familiarity with things.

The second axis represents a continuum between hypotaxis and parataxis, which are learned Greek words that describe syntactic structures that, on the one hand, are full of subordinate clauses, which show the author’s explanation and interpretation of events; and, on the other hand, that are full of parallel constructions that tend to simply report on events without comment or causal explanation. Flaubert, Henry James, and Virginia Wolff mostly wrote hypotactic prose. For example, Henry James:
The ideally handsome way is for him to multiply in any given connexion all the possible sources of entertainment—or, more grossly expressing it again, to intensify his whole chance of pleasure. (It all comes back to that, to my and your “fun”—if we but allow the term its full extension; to the production of which no humblest question involved, even to that of the shade of a cadence or the position of a comma, is not richly pertinent.)
This extremely hypotactic prose is full of fine abstract distinctions, precise observations and categorizations, qualifications, and levels of subordinate structures that show a fastidious concern for conceptual precision and subtle social meaning.

But parataxis looks like this:
With the first gray light he rose and left the boy sleeping and walked out to the road and squatted and studied the country to the south. Barren, silent, godless. He thought the month was October but he wasnt sure. He hadnt kept a calendar for years. They were moving south. There'd be no surviving another winter here.
Instead of James’ layers of subordinate clauses, Cormac McCarthy gives us series of phrases strung together by conjunctions, usually and. Not only is McCarthy uninterested in telling us what things mean, or how the characters experience them, or how they feel, but he is unwilling to even rank the characters’ observations according to any moral or aesthetic standard beyond good and bad. The characters, in The Road, live in a world that is no longer concerned with fine distinctions or with degrees of sophistication or with cultural categories. The world is a threat, and the characters scan it for danger and for food. The parataxis of this paragraph contains, in its form, the bleakness of reality, in which cultural categories of all kinds are suspect, and the best a character can do is rely on his unprejudiced observations to survive. The Road is not a Henry James drawing room.

In locating his prose, or his character’s speech along the axis of hypotaxis to parataxis, the writer is showing how much the character trusts the fine distinctions and categories of the culture. The hypotactic structure tends to show a certain comfort with the cultural categories and distinctions, and a certain confidence that these are for the best, and that they will support the good life. Hypotaxis tends to be the voice of the haves. Educated, flourishing, genteel, lucky people have been so supported by their education and by the sophisticated distinctions it provides, that they habitually turn to this prose of causality and explanation, with all its tidiness and propriety. Parataxis, though, shows a deep distrust of the world’s friendliness or meaning. It shows the world as a dangerous, inhospitable place that is beyond real comprehension, except in the most mechanical ways, and tends to put little trust in the subtle shadings of meaning that culture upholds. So, a character who speaks paratactically, as in McCarthy or Hemingway, for example, communicates a sense that his opinions and preferences are of little concern, because he has learned, through raw experience, that the world is hostile. And, of course, a writer can move along this continuum at will, depending on which character is speaking or what situation he finds himself in. Faulkner did this lots.

The third axis, the Z axis, is the continuum between plain, lucid language and denser, ranker, more poetic language. Simple, declamatory, unelaborated language tends to be associated with storytelling, or with a concern with plot, and is designed to not get in the way of the story. The author’s goal is to disappear, and to craft such frictionless prose that the reader hardly thinks about the language, per se, and is able to focus, without distraction, on the flow of events. Lucidity is the goal. Richard Lanham calls this “through” prose. It is like a window. The reader looks through it, and, if the writer has scrupulously cleaned the glass of his prose, the reader will not even notice that the glass is there. In some writing, however, the writer writes assertive prose that is a goal in its own right. Sometimes the plot becomes so secondary to the writing that it can be hard to follow. But, if done well, the writing can enrich and add meaning to the plot in ways that lucid prose never can. Rich, non-standard diction and syntax can be difficult, and the author can embed layer upon layer of intertextual meaning, allusions to other works that will inform the educated reader. Also, this kind of writing, which Richard Lanham calls “at” writing, because the reader looks at it, instead of through it, can have its own beauty and power outside the story. Faulkner, again, was one of the great writers of poetic prose. It can be hard going, but some of the most beautiful and rewarding prose in English is a result.

So, again, picture the three-axis graph. It looks like a cube. Any point inside that cube represents a certain character’s particular use of diction, parataxis or hypotaxis, and plainness or rankness of speech. Each of these continua locates the speaker in ways that reveal character. For example, when we read Virginia Wolff’s rendering of Mrs Dalloway’s speech, we hear a cultured but unfastidious diction; we hear an extremely hypotactic tendency to qualify, judge, requalify, equivocate, postulate, assert and retract, and sift observations for fine social significances; and we hear a generally plain language that becomes poetic and more difficult when the character experiences anxiety. Her class (upper), her education (Edwardian and feminine), and her state of mind (expectant, often flustered, preoccupied with social distinctions) and much more is revealed in the voice Wolff gave her. And, maybe an extreme example, when Faulkner writes Benjy Compson, we get a very limited, flat, concrete diction; we get a paratactic regularity and simplicity that is free of verbal judgment (but not at all free of feeling); and we get such plain language that it goes round the bend into a kind of opacity, a poetry of retardation.


So, I think this three-axis model, this cube, can be a useful device for being clear about how and why your character speaks. Any idiosyncrasy, and verbal eccentricity, occupies a position within the cube, albeit blurred and mobile. As a way of disciplining, or testing, the words of a character, you can locate that speech along each of these three axes. It can help point out inconsistencies and it can help guide decisions. Your ear, of course, is the best guide, but sometimes it’s helpful to step back and ask yourself Why did she suddenly use this highfalutin word? Why does he describe this landscape paratactically? And is there a narrative purpose to this use of poetic language, and is it justified? I like to have a schematic model to fall back on when I can’t trust my ear, or when I’m stumped.  


Monday, February 23, 2015

The Reasons Dolores Left Tucson to Go to Kolob to Find Fox: It Was the Karma and it Was the Love

It was an accident. Or, not really. Dolores doesn’t believe in “accidents”. Or “coincidences”. Crystal Vision shows the deeper pattern, see? “Coincidence” is what the ignorant call it when two or more things happen together without them seeing that the things are interdependent. They say “coincidence” and the Crystal Vision says No, it’s not. C.V. says: These two or more things happened together because they caused each other. It’s Karma. So. And “accidents”? Same thing. Obscure Vision is all about saying It was an accident, but it wasn't. No. It happened because of Karma, which in C.V. is interdependence. Attaining C.V. is when you go, like, You are here and I am here and that is not a coincidence and you are here and I am here and you hit me and that is not an accident. That’s why she left Tucson.

It was also for this other reason, which is: Fox. So: She had this nice house she shared right north of the U of A campus. It was really nice, and her roommate was really sweet. Her roommate was this Poli Sci major and was hardly ever home because she was always studying with this guy. So Dolores had the house pretty much to herself. And there was this guy she had fallen in love with, Fox, who had left, but he had been coming here lots when her roommate was out. That is his totally patched up flannel short he left hanging on her chair there in the corner.

She also has this good job that is only three days a week doing reception at the massage and P.T. place. It iss filing and phones and showing clients in the waiting room how to do the hot water thing for tea and she does the Pandora mix and a little cleanup. It's chill. It pays her half of the rent, and her half of the food, and stuff. And, but, she also has this other source of income? Which, it is grass, "gifting it to her list of friends", which, to be honest, is how the supplier says "selling it to her list of customers". Like, for money. Which, right? She just bikes up to Campbell every Monday to this little house with palm trees in a yard with a wall and the guy with these great dolphin tats on his inner biceps, called Minoan dolphins, always gives her a hug and says Hi, gorgeous, and gives her the twenty bags in a gallon Ziploc, and he weighs each one on the scale and enters the weight in his laptop and she signs and she bikes back to her neighborhood and makes the calls and delivers and gets the money. It is so easy. She has to do the reception thing to avoid suspicion, right? But the real money is the weed. It is such a phat job. She really can make lots of money this way. It is like, another two grand a month, for, honestly? no work at all.

This is the part that was not an accident: so, one Monday she was doing her usual morning thing, which was make a big jar of tea and go back to the courtyard and get some sun. It was one of those old Tucson houses with the walled courtyard in the back, and all these yummy fruit trees around a little patio that was sunny in the mornings. Pomegranate, orange, guava, tamarind. It was this little private garden, like paradise. She would take her shirt and pants off and water the trees in her underwear, getting some sun. Sipping the tea, maybe listening to some tunes. Maybe lie on the chair and work on a Pandora mix. If her roommate was at school she would sometimes take off the panties too, to get sun down there. It felt just delicious. It also made her hot. So: that Monday she got lots of sun, and then decided to bike over to Campbell and get her supply. It was hot. She went in and checked out her tan. No lines on top, almost no lines down there. She had a great tan. Golden. So she put on some oil, and then pulled on her favorite cutoffs and a white tank top and her Chacos and tied this piece of purple 6-mil rope around her dreads to keep them from falling in her face as she rode, and she got her cash, and set aside her take, and pocketed the rest and biked over to the guy’s house.

She knocked. Three, pause, three, pause, three. She saw the shadow in the peephole, and then the guy opened the door. He smiled and said Hi, gorgeous, like always. He stood in the door, then he said Dayum, girl, you are extra gorgeous today. And she smiled and went to step in, and he didn’t stand back and then he hugged her, and then she went in and he closed the door behind her. He invited her to sit. Always it had been, like, down to business? And now he was all, like, Take a load off, dollface. Have some lemonade. Which, why not? It was hot out. So she sat with him in the kitchen. Really nice in there. It was a small house, but really nice stuff. Really neat and clean. Big flat screen. These nice silver appliances. Art. Real paintings, not just posters. She really liked the furniture, all hand-carved or something, like from Mexico, all uneven and rough and painted with bright colors. Plus he had parrots and these other tropical birds in big cages in the yard, and a fountain you could hear in the house. It was really nice and the things he had were really interesting.

So, they sat and had lemonade and he asked about her. Sort of personal, but he was really nice. She asked about him a little, too, but really, she just wanted to go but she didn’t want to look impatient or anything. Then he was like, You should come to dinner. I have this big grill. I make this vegetarian stuff on mesquite. So good. And she was like, That would be really nice. And he got up to go in the little office room for his dealing business but when he got to her end of the table he put the back of his hand on her cheek and he said it again: Dayum, girl! And then he went and got the bag and the scale and started doing his thing with the laptop. She felt pretty weird. It was not what she wanted with him. It was always all business and now it was totally shifted.

And of course C.V. says: it is not a coincidence. That does not mean it is okay. Or good, or whatevs. It just means: for good or ill, you and I here together is not a coincidence. And what will happen is not an accident. It is the Vast Web of Karma. It is everything that ever happened and even will happen playing out in the Illusion of the Here and Now.

She thought super hard to think if she could see the Vast Web and where she maybe crossed paths with the guy in the past, or in the future, out of the illusion. But she didn't know. But she felt weird. It was like it was interesting how weird she felt. In the old days it was okay if a man, like a knight or a prince or something, touched you and said You are so gorgeous, but these days those days are over. It can be totally creepy these days if a dude is like, Hi gorgeous and touches you. Maybe it’s because of porn or something. Or maybe in the old days they had valor and chivalry and now we don’t, but, anyway: creepy. Especially with an older guy like this, in this house that’s like a little Mexican museum. But she could not think of any bad Karma with the guy.

He must have noticed how nervous she was. It was probably her arms folded in front of her breasts, which she did because the white tank-top that had felt so nice on her hot skin now felt, well, pretty much transparent, what with the air conditioning blasting on her. And the cutoffs felt really tight and very short. And her legs felt very, very long. She did the breathing exercise. The mindfulness one. To be in the present moment. But she was all jangly. From the tea and sugar and now the creepiness feeling. Anyway, he must have noticed how nervous she was, ‘cause he stopped the weighing and the laptop stuff and looked up at her. He looked in a weird way. And then he went: What’s up, sister? You look all jumpy.

And she said I don’t know. Just feel weird?

He stood up and stood there looking at her and she felt like she was shrinking. He kept getting bigger or something.

Then she thought of her dreads. She pulled on the purple rope and they fell down past her shoulders. She tilted her neck forward and the big dreads fell down in front of her breasts like protection. But he took it the wrong way, the letting her hair down. He stepped up and she looked down with her arms in front of her and then there was this like bang? in her head?

Anyway, she was on the floor and he was standing over her with the scale in his hand and he was saying Oh God, oh God, it was an accident. Oh shit.

She got up and went to the door and let herself out. It was too bright. She had spots in her eyes, and little swimming stars. She went to swing her leg over the bike but she wasn't balancing right and then he was holding her arm up high really hard. Then he handed her her backpack and he started putting bags and bags of weed in it. Like ten of the gallon Ziploc bags. He just loaded it up. He was shaking really bad and she was just standing there all wobbly with the bike between her legs. Then he went in and said It was an accident. I’m so sorry, and closed the door and bolted it.

She biked home really slow. The side of her face had its own heartbeats.


Of course, in C.V. there are no accidents. So she just repeated it over and over: There are no accidents. There are no accidents. She smoked a big bowl and drank a couple beers and locked the bathroom door and took a long shower, then went to bed all stoned but still jumpy, and as she finally felt sleepy she thought: I’m so out of here. This place has bad Karma for me. And she reached to her bedside and picked up the top card and it was the Ace of Swords and she knew that her plan, which had been really foggy til now? was the answer: to go find Fox. Love is the answer. That was so clear.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

How Charley Cowary Come to Be in Kolob

He wanted to be a pro. He was good in high school. He was pretty big, he could bench two-ninety. Pretty strong and big. He put up the posters and wore the jerseys, plus he did dips and taped his wrists. It was him and the team in the halls between classes all booming suck my dick this and you pussy that and carrying their books gripped that way, fingers vising the top edge palm down faking casual. To show his strength. Girls carried them on their hips. Skinny boys cradled them with their hand hooked below. The team gripped them that casually strong way palm down. To be all cool but it took effort carrying them that way.

He skipped classes. Who needs algebra. The Peloponnesian war. Shit like that. He worked at Foot Locker and rebuilt the ’69 Camaro with his dad. Painted it Wisconsin red and white. He graduated. Who doesn’t.

He did not get the call. He went to the walk-on tryout senior year and got hit so hard by a farmboy a hundred pounds heavier he passed out. They did not call him back. He stayed on at Foot Locker summer after graduation. Stopped working out.

His uncle hired him on at NAPA. He drove a delivery truck around Milwaukee. Parts warehouse, mechanics’ shops. Parts warehouse, mechanics’ shops. Then they promoted him to Counter. He put on 75, 80 pounds working Counter. He did that for three, four years. Knew all the parts, pretty much. Knew all the mechanics and the weekend DIY guys. Worked on the ’69 Camaro til it was cherry, then sold it to some big high school kid’s dad.

His doctor said get exercise every day. Walk. Go to the gym. Maybe lift. But if you don’t lose that weight you are going to die young. The doctor reminded him of Coach, so he did what he was told. Every morning early he walked. He lost the weight. He felt dynamite. 110%. He got a new girlfriend that was way sexier than the other one. He dressed sharp. Tucked in his Charley NAPA shirt. Got promoted to Warehouse Inventory Manager. Moved with the sexier girlfriend to Atlanta and bought a house. That went pretty good for a few years. He got promoted up through Inventory. She wanted to get married but he had this stupid thing on the side with a girl at H.Q. and the girlfriend left. He slept around for a while and focused on work.

He flew lots. Went from store to store all over the country, implemented the new Inventory Control System. It was a big deal. He got lots of recognition and got bumped up to Corporate. It was the role he was born for. He never knew he could do Corporate. He wore a suit and made deals. He ended up Vice President for Purchasing. Twenty five years out of high school they sent him to get a BPA. He did it in evening classes. Then he retired, years early, on his savings and did the MBA at the University of Colorado. Went to work for a software company that did inventory control for the Fortune 500s. After that, he found some investors and started his own business. He hired some programmers and they did distribution optimization. Sold that and he was done. At 50. He sold his house in Denver right before the recession. For a mint. The amount startled him. Millions in assets. Real estate. Shares in the company that bought his software.

He met a younger woman in Phoenix that winter. They were golfing in Scottsdale, staying at the Loew’s. Real nice. They were drunk in the hotel bar and she asked him up to her room and pretty soon they were married with a kid on the way.

All these years he’d kept up the walking and the working out. He was fit. Had this girl who helped him dress sharp. A personal shopper. He got two expensive haircuts a month. Bought a nice house in North Scottsdale, on the fairway with a pool and a view of the McDowell Preserve. Things were going good.

Then he just couldn’t get it up anymore. Here he was with his pretty younger wife and it just didn’t work. He tried Viagra, of course, but no go. He just wasn’t that interested. Plus, he was pretty sure she was sleeping around. A rumor she’d been in a downtown club with a big man her own age. He didn’t really care.

He’d been taking the RV to the National Parks by himself. Every couple months he’d take off for a week or so. Drive to a Park, do the hikes. Went to Canyonlands, southeast Utah. It just felt like where he belonged. Phoenix and his wife and the kid and all the shit with pool maintenance and HOA meetings and drinks at the golf club and not getting it up just sort of went away. He got his ducks in a barrel and had his attorney deliver the house and car titles and a pile of stock certificates and a college savings account for the kid and a bunch of other paper, including a petition for divorce, to his wife. He left a package of MagnumExtra-sized Trojans on the counter along with the spare keys to the Mercedes convertible and the ski-boat. He kept the RV and enough money to last his remaining years.

She tried to get more from him, but her attorney told her it was pointless. He’d already given her far more than the law required.

He bought a hacienda-style place in Moab. Got to know Canyonlands pretty good. And Arches. Even made several trips deep into the Maze. Bought a new pickup just for that.

He walked farther and farther into the wilderness. Went all around the Colorado plateau, from the San Rafael to Chaco. One night about sunset, deep in southern Utah, he hiked out of a remote canyon where he’d been lost for two days. He was very hungry so he drove 80 miles up a dirt road in the dark to a tiny town. The smallest dot on his map. Just a cluster of houses and some outlying ranches in a narrow valley between the canyons and a huge standalone mountain. In all the black night just a few lights out there. There was this strange thing he saw. Like a vision. In that lonely place a big yellow window floated in the perfect black and the window was full of people. Like fish in a tank. It was like they were just bumping around in that glass rectangle, drinking and laughing. In his headlights there was a handpainted sign with an arrow pointing at the floating window. It said Be Merry Restaurant. He parked the RV. He tucked in his shirt and dusted himself off as best he could. He could hear music as the door swung open. Someone off in the dark smoking. He walked around toward the door. In the back of the room three young people on upright bass, banjo, and fiddle and an ancient scrawny woman on drums. A mix of people dancing. Old ones and young ones and a few kids. The tables pushed back. Most of the dishes cleared and people drinking wine and clapping to the music and dancing and that yellow light and the music and laughing and clapping. It was a restaurant, but it was also like a home party or something. He hesitated to go in. Maybe it was a birthday, some private event. But he was hungry. Anyway, he ate a steak. It was good. He hadn’t been drinking much in the last couple years, but he got a glass of wine. Then a bottle. The waitress was cute. He felt good. A young guy with a drowsy toddler on his lap talked to him in a neighborly way. Big Charley with his now-gray crewcut and this kid in his twenties with beaded braids in his beard talked like they were buddies. Like the kid didn’t care who he might be as long as he was decent. Charley was decent. He had a great time. Felt so good. The very long last couple days lost in the desert, the long drive, the night black as ink and then this good meal and this old-style music and the warm people and the wine. He felt like a million bucks.

He slept in the RV in the parking lot. Early the sun came up the valley over long hayfields and pastures. The view seemed a fiction. Something ideal. The canyons and mesas ranked a hundred miles into the white east. The sun coming to him through the spray of a hundred chugging handlines. Angus cattle and the sawtoothed ripgut fence cutting the sunrise to his feet. He sat in the door of the RV and watched the shadows back away and the colors sharpen
.
The restaurant opened midmorning and he went in for coffee. The sunlight on his table was harsh and the place was quiet and sober.

This is how Charley Cowary came to be in Kolob. It was what he wanted, or what he imagined he wanted. Peace and quiet. Remnants of old ways. Cowboys and conservative old Mormons. Friendly people. The magnificent scenery. That’s what he thought about over the next several days as he looked for a house to buy. He wanted nice neighbors but not too close. He wanted enough land to have a horse. A barn he could convert to a woodshop. He though he would spend his retirement being a woodworker. It felt right. A view out over the canyons and pastures. Walking distance from this restaurant where he could drink coffee mornings and wine nights. For the first time since high school he had an exciting vision of the future. Before the week was over he owned a house, a horse, tack, and a restored Ford tractor. He started the life he’d never known he’d wanted.

*             *             *

This is how Charley Cowary came find a place in Kolob, and to buy the horse and tack and the restored Ford tractor:

That first day in Kolob, after he had coffee at the Be Merry, he took his morning walk right there in the middle of town. It was just a crossroads, where the dirt road he’d driven out of the desert the night before teed into a two-lane county highway that came out of the canyons and went up to the mountain. The Be Merry was right there at the intersection. There was a store next door, mostly tourist stuff and an espresso machine and snacks. Off to the side a small sawmill with the overhead door wide open but nobody around, just drifts of pine dust blowing across the highway. Up a ways there was a shabby two-pump gas station and a little motel straight out of the ‘50s. Other than that, just a couple dozen houses scattered around back from the roads and a post office and a fire station that was little more than a Quonset hut. He walked by all this in a minute. A dirt lane went off the highway toward the pastures, and he went that way. From around a bend he could see a cloud of dust and soon a herd of a couple hundred pair of whiteface cattle came up between the roadside fences. Behind them on either side rode two cowboys that from a distance looked like straight out of a John Wayne. He stood off to the side to let the cattle through. A rough and tattered heeler planted himself between Charley and the cattle and watched him. Charley looked the old dog in the eye and remembered a big purchasing deal he’d made with a Chinese manufacturer, how the Chinese man played it like a poker game. Never blinked, never showed nothing. Just kept his face blank as though to say Nothing personal Mr. Charley, just business.

When the cowboys came up at the rear of the herd Charley studied them, but they ignored him. He was disappointed to see that one of them wore bright new Nike basketball shoes and was listening to an iPod. These modern things jarred him, because otherwise the scene could have been the 1870s. The other cowboy was elderly. He wore dusty flannel and scarred leather chaps and a sweatstained felt hat. He even had an old blued Colt revolver with walnut grips. To Charley’s eye, the older man’s general dusty decrepitude, his deeply-weathered face, and the rubbed-in grime in all his tack and gear spoke of authenticity. He saw a no-bullshit manliness. He imagined the old man alone on the mountainside in a howling blizzard, stoically tending a fire while his massive quarterhorse dozed on a highline. In his imagination coyotes yipped in the distance and cattle lowed in the frigid night. But the Nikes and the iPod intruded on this pure vision, and Charley felt resentment rise in him. He also felt a new certainty that he would live in Kolob and that his new life would be authentic. That the pussified golfing and wine at the club and strategizing with brokers and managing the pool boy and the wetback landscapers and the mobile car-detailing service were over. That he would, from now on, live an honest and manly life of independence and self-sufficiency. That he would meet his future with stoic endurance. He knew all of this in the time it took the cowboys to ride past.

As inconspicuously as he could, looking both ways, he took his cell phone from his pocket and snapped a picture of the older cowboy, pausing just long enough to frame the younger man, with his ridiculous white basketball shoes, out of the picture.

He walked down the lane. Back from the highway the pastures opened up to land that sloped away for miles down to the canyons. Dozens of green and buff fenced fieldsand a few scattered houses and barns. The sun was still low and cast a golden light on everything. Thick old cottonwoods lined the lane, and here and there sections of the old juniper ripgut fence. He thought he’d never seen prettier country anywhere. The prettiest farmland he’d ever seen placed tightly into a wilderness of buff towering sandstone, like a National Park you could buy and live in.

With his new excitement and certainty he walked down the lane. It fell away from the town. He found a realtor’s sign, and went to call the number, but there was no service. He felt a moment of irritation, but quickly said to himself Well, here is a good sign. If there is no cell service here, we’re not really in the ticky-tacky modern world, are we? A man could escape to this place and live a genuine life. Without the intrusions. No interruptions, just the man’s real life’s work to do, no excuses. Just an honest day’s work and the pleasures afforded to such a man as can face that work unblinking. He found the thought satisfying and true. He clicked a picture of the barcode thingy on the realtor’s sign and walked on.

After a while, he came to a crossing lane, a sandy two-track that climbed the slope back toward town. He crossed a cattle-guard and walked up the hill. Some irrigated plants with purple flowers all around, and an irrigation ditch running. As the lane fell out of sight behind him he found himself in a sort of wide swale. A dog stood in the two-track a couple football fields ahead and started barking. In a dense stand of cottonwoods a ratty old shipping container sat on blocks. Other dogs came out from under it and the pack trotted down the drive toward him. He stopped and stood his ground. The dogs arrayed around him barking. A big man in a wide hat came out from behind the container and stood and watched. Charley waived to him, but he didn’t waive back. He just stood and looked. The dogs came in closer. Charley held his arms out and shrugged in an exaggerated way as though to say What am I supposed to do? Why don’t you call your dogs off? And the man finally whistled. Just one sharp whistle and the dogs stood down. Like he’d thrown a switch. The man came down the drive.

Help you?

Just out walking, looking around.

Private property.

I apologize. I didn’t see a sign.

Never needed one.

Charley Cowary, he said, and held out his hand.

The man paused. Jasper Lyman. His hand was huge and hard, but he barely squeezed Charley’s hand, and looked away as they shook.

Well, the way back to town is the way you come.

Maybe you can tell me about that property for sale? With the sign?

You lookin to buy?

Maybe. Just looking. Who’s the seller?

I am. It int any kind of vacation place or cabin or nothin.

Is there a house on it? Just land?

There’s the linehouse and some rock foundations is all. It’s good pasture.

Can you show me it?

Was gonna let the realtor do that bit.

But Jasper started walking along the fence. At the top of the rise he pointed down into another broad swale. Below them another cluster of cottonwoods and willows, and the two-room line-house and an acre of rusted machinery, clots of rusting fence, a bottle dump, a white refrigerator listing beside a Willy’s jeep lying on its side. A dump. Charley looked. Didn’t say anything for fear of offending Jasper. He stood with his arms crossed. A horse walked out from behind a low barn. The horse reminded him of his new commitment to the authentic life and the scene of redneck squalor shifted somehow, and Charley saw beneath the surface of appearances to the many years of hardship the people here must have endured. The junk took on a history then. A history of authentic survival in a harsh western desert. He looked again, and he thought All this junk, these things, they must have kept because on the frontier you don’t throw things away. You keep them in case you’ll need them. Spare parts. Clever ways to re-use machines. That old rusted pickup down there, for example, could be converted to a grain mill, or some such useful device. He looked and looked til he became conscious that Jasper was shifting on his feet, waiting for some response.

How many acres in the parcel?

That’s the original forty.

Forty? Charley asked, with some astonishment, then immediately regretted the sound of enthusiasm in his voice. He thought it betrayed some suburban innocence, and he wished to sound savvier, more familiar with rural western ways. I was lookin for closer to eighty, he said, on an impulse. He cursed himself. Now what was that? he said to himself. You wake up wanting a nice place not too close to neighbors and now you’re asking for eighty acres.

Jasper’s expression didn’t change. Well, I can’t spare eighty, but I bet we could work something out, less you need eighty exact.

They went down to the line-house. The dirt there was hardpacked and lifeless, and stained here and there with motor oil and trampled by cattle. The linehouse was a shambles. Windows boarded, old yellowed and brittle vinyl siding hanging off in strips. Charley silently noted the dovetailed squared timbers exposed there. The roof was just asphalt roll with the mastic seams mopped on. But a chimney of hand-squared sandstone stood through the roof. He went to the front door.

Nothin to see in there, Jasper said, with a dismissive waive of his hand. Just a wore-out old linehouse the packrats took over.

Charley feigned indifference.

They walked among the rusted detritus of a hundred years of cattle ranching. Back in the trees Jasper took him to the barn. The horse stood off. The barn looked solid. Old and weathered, but with siding repaired and the doors newly built. Inside was neat and dry. There were rolling chests of mechanics’ tools along the wall. Crescent and Snap-On, Charley noted with approval. In the middle of the floor stood a gleaming red tractor, an old Ford.

What year is that?

Fifty-eight.

You did the restoration.

Yes. Sort of my winter money-making business, except for the money part.

Charley smiled. Walked around the tractor and looked it over with admiration. That’s some fine work, he said.

I do what I can. Hard to get parts here.

They talked about the auto-parts business a while. Then Charley said he’d call the realtor and they shook and he left.

He bought sixty-six acres, the tractor, the horse, and tack. Before Charley left Kolob to close down his life in Moab, he contracted with Jasper to haul all the junk, and he hired a builder to start on the linehouse. The builder, a solid, clean, silent man used to working on vacation cabins, looked the linehouse over. Looked neither encouraging nor skeptical. Charley struggled to convey his ideas about the linehouse. He felt self-conscious. He didn’t want to say aloud what he felt about authenticity and manly stoicism and how to attain these ideals in the refurbishment of a decaying linehouse, but the builder, name of Fielding, saved him the trouble.

What I suggest, if I may, is we strip off everything modern. Get down to the underlying structure. See how those logs are holding up. Have a look at the foundation. Give you a report when you get back from Moab so you can make informed decisions about how to proceed.

Charley felt a swelling of gratitude. Not only did Fielding speak like a man of business and seem so competent and ready to work, but the man had perfectly read Charley’s mind concerning the construction work. Get rid of all the defilements of modern life. Strip away the artificial, man-made siding and get to the thick, handhewn timbers beneath. Clean the place of all signs of the new world of commerce and hurry and makeshift cheapness.

Two weeks later Charley drove back into Kolob pulling just a small trailer containing all of his old life he cared to keep. He’d sold the RV and donated his nice suits and ties to the Mormon Church. He’d appraised every last item for its authenticity and manliness and culled what didn’t fit his new standard. He left the Moab house furnished to rent. In the trailer, along with an old oak rocker and a narrow twin bed and a set of cast-iron Dutch ovens he’d found in the antique store in Moab, was a set of old battered steamer trunks full of his new clothes. In a kind of fever of lust for his new life on the frontier he had gone online and bought hats and boots, chaps and a Navajo saddle blanket, flannel shirts and an oilcloth slicker and a shearling coat. He outfitted himself for riding his new horse, for fly-fishing, for hunting deer and elk. He ordered checked wool blankets and shirts from Pendleton, and lapelled wool vests from Filson. He ordered matching leather belt, holster, and saddle scabbard from a craftsman in New Mexico. With some input from his personal shopper, he outfitted his new life to perfection.

He stayed in the motel on the highway. The Lazy Daze. Run by a young couple who were always agreeably stoned. Every day he spent at the new property, working as though he were one of Fielding’s employees. The linehouse progressed quickly, despite many setbacks. Fielding just about disassembled the entire structure, placed a new foundation that Charley had him veneer with sandstone, to match the chimney. He tore down the old chimney and rebuilt it with the original stones over a core of reinforced concrete blocks. They replaced many of the logs. Fielding himself used a hewing axe to surface the new timbers, to match the old ones. A specialized painter came down from Salt Lake for a week to stain and antique the new timbers to match the old ones. Almost black with age. They rechinked. They roofed with a special steel designed to rust evenly. They framed a new floor and planked it with wide pegged oak, scrub-planed to a perfect unevenness. Fielding bored the peg holes square, for authenticity, he said. Charley appreciated this conscientious attention to detail, and Fielding’s knowledge about the old ways of building. They added a wing out back so that Charley could have a kitchen and bath in his house. They added plumbing and power, and a furnace. Charley wanted only a woodstove, but Fielding gently insisted on the furnace, just in case.
Some months into the job Charley went to talk with his neighbor Jasper about getting the junk cleaned up. He hadn’t even started. Jasper’s brother told him Jasper was probably in Vegas and he had no idea when he’d come back. So, at considerable expense, Charley hired a company from Grand Junction to clear the area.


It was a long winter, bitter cold. Charley hadn’t expected the cold. It scared him sometimes the way it blew a plume of powder-dry snow off the mountain and threw weighted sheets of plywood across the pastures. But spring came as Fielding put meticulous finishing touches on the house. They’d added a long porch with battered stone piers and heavy columns of nearblack timbers. Charley showed up one morning and found his rocker set just so on the porch with his Navajo blanket across the armrests and the keys and Fielding’s last, breathtaking, invoice. The way the chair was set triggered in Charley a deep uneasiness. Meadowlarks sang, and a warm breeze came up from the canyons, but a cold dread reaching way back came over him. He shook it off and went inside, leaving the heavy plank door open to air out the stink of polyurethane and paint.